I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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