the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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