I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
