I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
