dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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