worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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