dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
