this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize