What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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