Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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