I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
