Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
