Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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