Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Randomize
