oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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