I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
