I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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