I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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