dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
