Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You took a bar mat shot.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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