I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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