I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I will be naked everywhere
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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