you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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