Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
