I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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