she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
