Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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