Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
