so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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