i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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