i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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