I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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