the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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