omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
