Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
