Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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