clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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