arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
