remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
