oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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