I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
