He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
