did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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