my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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