You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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