dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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