"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize