literally had 100 drinks last night.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
