I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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