I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
