Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
