R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
