I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
