I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
