haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
