Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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