My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
