Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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