are you so shy because you have an std?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize