Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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