my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize