Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
