brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
please come you make the beer taste better
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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