So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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