exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
