so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
