two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize