We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
