I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
