Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
