Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
