had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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